Love personified....

I know my husband loves me.  I've known it since practically meeting him and he's never - not once - given me a reason to doubt it.  Tommy goes above and beyond the call of duty in every area of our life together.  You will never hear me complain about his involvement in our home, raising our kids, and his level of commitment to anything.  He is the most giving person I have ever met - hands down.  To put it bluntly - he amazes me.

Last night, as we laid in bed and prayed, he approached our heavenly father.  He praised the Lord for all He is and all He has blessed us with.  He prayed for our girls - that they would grow in the Lord and that the Lord would equip us to raise them in Him.  Those things aren't new - Tommy prays like that all the time.

What amazes me is that he always knows just what to pray for me - how to approach the King of Kings on my behalf.  Often times, it is to give me strength to go about my day taking care of the needs of our household to the level that I feel the Lord expects of me, or for me to have peace about a certain situation, or other general requests that He knows are very real needs.

But never before, has he uttered these words in my presence to our Lord - and how did he know this was my greatest need right now from our creator??? He said, "Lord, please love on Rachel..."

I know, to some those words aren't amazing in and of themselves.  However, to me, last night as our household fell quiet for a few short minutes, he knew that no matter how much love he can give as a husband to me and a father to our girls, that when the day is done - to feel the love of my Savior is the one thing I needed - something that Tommy cannot give me or make me feel. Yet, he approached the Lord and begged him to "love on" me.

Thank you, Lord, for giving me my greatest love on this earth - who has pointed to you, the greatest love in the universe, to give me my greatest need....love.

And thank you for answering his prayer....

Hope is NOT lost

As is the usual, last night was small group night with my high school girls and my awesome co-leader, Lynzie.  Something has happened with our group this spring and it's been so exciting!  The Lord has allowed them to open their hearts and have conversations that are very very real.  Walls have come down and opened the door for some pretty awesome talks.  They've been the kind of discussions that many adults (even many church-going adults) would struggle to be open and honest about.  I have enjoyed listening to their hearts and how completely transparent they are about their faith, their convictions and their sometimes-struggles with both.  Last night didn't disappoint. 

In the last couple of months, our conversations have covered these (and many other) topics:

Are people married in heaven?
Do we blame Satan for sin or humans?
What is heaven really like?
How do I reach others around me most effectively - by simply living the life and not pushing them or with a more conscious decision to have conversations about the gospel?
At what point on the scale are people cold, lukewarm or warm in their faith?  Where does on fire sadly turn into being lukewarm?
Is it a sin to be homosexual?
What baggage from my past do I bring to my relationship with the Lord?
Faith vs works
true inner beauty
Women's role within the church/home/family

Tough stuff - many things that I don't have the answer for or at best feel the Lord has taught me through His word.  I urge them to seek the truth out through scripture and prayer instead of relying on my word for it's surely not the standard by which to live. 

Thanks, Lord, for putting me in a place of ministry that blesses me 10x the amount I put in.  I don't deserve to be in their presence in the place you've put me!

Their generation is hurting, no doubt, but Wednesday nights give me hope!  All is not lost - they long to stand firm and stand tall for the Lord.  There is hope!

So much to be said, not enough paper...

...literally.

I was reading the last part of John this morning and I noticed something that I'm sure I've read many times, but simply never really grasped.

In John 21:25 in the English Standard Version after Jesus sits down with his apostles for one of the last times before his ascension it says, "Now there are also many other things that Jesus did. Were every one of them to be written, I suppose that the world itself could not contain the books that would be written."

This verse falls right behind John stating that he bore witness to all things written about in his book, and that each account is valid.  But I love how he just couldn't help but tack on these words at the end.  Like he wanted to write more but there was simply no possible way to recall and capture it all.  It is almost a noticeable change of tone.  John switches from the usual "scriptural" tone here into one that is more diary or journal in style- he even speaks in first person - he just can't help himself.  

As to what he said in this one short verse?  It speaks volumes!!!!  Jesus did so many things in his short ministry that John felt the need to describe their number and magnitude as too big to be held in all the books that could be written in the world!  Wow.

Th curious person in me wants to know so badly what some of those things were.  Was it many more miracles?  Was it more times simply being with his apostles and sharing the faith with them?  What all did they get to witness about our Savior?  I want to know more.

I hope in heaven that we get to see all these things. To somehow witness firsthand his life - every minute of Jesus' precious life. Every single thing that could have been written about.  If only there were enough books in this world to contain all he did.  But in light of his grace, that would simply be impossible, wouldn't it?

Amazing...

Thankful for the things I haven't got....

I know I haven't posted for awhile.  It hasn't been neglect or forgetfulness.  It's been the fact that I simply haven't had anything to say.  One thing the Lord has been teaching me lately is to only speak when necessary and to measure my words carefully.  So here goes!  :-)

It's no secret that I'm blessed.  My family life growing up was very "all-american".  I grew up in a pastor's family where my parents loved each other and I never feared they would separate.  I had a brother, a dog, played sports, got decent grades, acted and sang, and lived the charmed life.   

Looking at the present, I have the best husband this mid-western girl could ask for, three beautiful little girls, and an extended family that continues to support and love me.  We've NEVER had a fortune - and that's an understatement.  We've ALWAYS made-do with less.  Up until recently I never feared that having less and making-do was a problem - I was used to it.

So, why do I fight that feeling now? 

Lately, as I walk around my home and around my town I notice so many things that I HAVEN'T got.  It's ridiculous!  Almost every step I make around my house reminds me of something that I wish we could either fix, paint, add to or replace to make our home something that is pleasing to the eye at every glance.  After three long years of doing this, it dawned on me this morning that I need to be thankful for the "have nots" and focus on what they represent.  So here goes:

Have nots:

I haven't got a nice kitchen floor.  It's cheap peel and stick wood-grain looking tiles that are broken and chipped.  We have a rug that tries to cover the imperfections.  BUT we have a kitchen floor.  Many people in the world would just love to have a kitchen.

I haven't got enough room to put all my dishes.  BUT we have food to put on those dishes and frankly, dishes to put our food in.  How ridiculous is it that I have 1 set of china from Tommy's grandmother, 2 sets of everyday dishes, 1 set of Pfaltzgraff for casual settings, 1 set of Pfaltzgraff for Christmas and countless pots, pans, rubbermaid containers, plastic cups, glasses, mugs, etc???  We can't even use it all!! 

I haven't got a oven that was created in the last decade.  It's old and ugly. BUT it cooks the food we are so blessed to have.

I haven't got an abundance of pillows for the window seat.  BUT I've got a window to keep the cold air out in the winter and the hot air out in the summer. 

I haven't got a flat screen tv.  BUT we have a TV and for that matter, we have electricity to be able to use the TV along with countless DVDs, video games, videos, and remote controls that most people in third world countries wouldn't even know what to do with. 

I haven't got fresh paint on my walls.  BUT I have walls to keep me sheltered from the wind and rain.

I haven't got very many items of furniture that isn't either a hand me down or new within the last decade.  BUT I have a bed that I sleep in cozy next to my husband, a couch to rest on after a busy day, and a old chair that I love to cuddle in with all three girls and read a good book. 

I haven't got a new van.  Ours is old, dirty, and stained from almost 5 years of handling all that kids can bring - spilled drinks, melted crayons, silly putty, etc.  BUT we have two vehicles that take us where we need to go.  And the van is almost paid off.  And while we're at it, we have enough money to put gas in these vehicles.

I haven't got a nice manicured yard.  Frankly, it's horrible.  BUT we have a tree that Aubrey loves to climb, Grass and pine needles that Gabby loves to make "salads" with and trees to watch grow with time. 

So, thank you Lord for the things that I haven't got....for you use them to remind me all the time of what I HAVE GOT!  Joy in salvation, blessings of a loving family, and a heart that is thankful for the things that really matter in this life.  If the "haven't gots" keep me looking straight to you, then by all means, continue on...

Focus by process of elimination

I'd been distracted.

Not so distracted that anybody had noticed.
Not so distracted that my faith decreased.
Not so distracted that I felt separate from the Lord.

Not hardly.

In fact, in many ways I feel like I had been growing - and in some ways I probably was.

But I was distracted enough to become careless.
I was distracted enough to lose my true zeal.
I was distracted enough to be rendered useless for a time.

It wasn't going to end - I wasn't going to let it. I loved those distractions. They shouldn't have been distractions, but that is what they became. My desire for them started pure but ended up as my idols. Satan used my desire for these good and pure things, to create something wordly and soiled - and I let him do it.

I claim ALL responsibility.

Those distractions are gone now. I wondered why for a time. But now I know and that brings me hope. And this is the only analogy I can use to explain it:

Every evening right around 8-8:30, Bailey has a fussy time. It's not her fault - there is so much going on around her. Aubrey and Gabby are running around finishing up their chores, finishing homework, getting books read to them, brushing their teeth, goofing off, etc. All the lights in the house seems to be on. The phone rings. Dishes are being washed.

And she's tired. I hold her - but the distractions are enticing and she longs to pull away from me. She is keenly aware of the fun sounds coming from her sisters. The lights in the house invite her to learn more from her environment.

But she needs to sleep and I know it.

Are all of these things bad in and of themselves?  Hardly. In fact, they are some of my favorite times in our home. The moments when we are all at home and life is happening. Things are being accomplished and enjoyed.

But they are distractions that pull Bailey away from what she needs at that moment. She needs the distractions to go away. She needs to drift asleep resting in my arms feeling safe and loved.

She chooses to pay more attention to the all that is going on around her. After all, wasn't it a few moments ago that she was laughing and playing with her sisters? Wasn't it just within an hour that we were eating off those dishes with her at our side - enjoying the cheerful sounds around our loud table?

Yes, but now she needs quiet.

As her mommy, I know that she needs to move closer to me and just focus on her time in my arms. She fights it. She pulls away and fights the gentle yet strong tug of my arms drawing her closer to my heart.

It becomes apparent that the distractions are keeping her from focusing on me. So, I remove the distractions one by one. The older girls are put to bed, the phone ringer is turned off, the dishes are put down and the lights in the house are turned low.

It takes her a moment to realize that the distractions are gone. She's so used to them that she still cries - and doesn't understand what to do next. Though she continues to fight, I continue to draw her closer to me. I sing to her softly and speak words of love that I hope somehow make their way into her little heart. I gaze into her eyes hoping that her eyes will lock with mine in a sweet recognition. I rock her gently in my arms pleading silently for her to be at peace in my arms - to realize that at that moment, being close to me is all that she needs.

And slowly, but surely she does. I feel her body relax and there is a moment that she realizes it's time for peace and quiet. It's time to simply enjoy her time in my arms. And there is peace.

Recently, the Lord removed some distractions from my life that apparently I just wasn't ready for yet. He took away the noise. He took away the glittery things that had turned my eyes from gazing into His. He took away things that are wonderful on their own, but for my wandering heart, they were just too much at the time.

I feel myself start to relax and there are moments that I have realized it's time for some peace and quiet. It's time to simply enjoy my time in His arms. Through all this, He is pulling me closer to him, singing to me softly and speaking words of love straight to my heart. He is gazing at me waiting for my eyes to turn towards His in sweet recognition. He has been pleading for me to be at peace in his arms - and to realize that always - at every moment - He is all that I need.

Be Ye Glad!!!

One of my favorite movies from my childhood is Pollyanna. My obsession with this movie started simply because I loved Hayley Mills in The Parent Trap and moved on to Pollyanna.


I love Hayley Mills. As a child I wanted nothing more than to be her. No, I didn't want to be LIKE her. I wanted to BE her.

As I have watched this movie in more recent years with my own children, the theme from this movie hits home everytime for me.  BE GLAD.  The title character moves in with her aunt who is anything but glad.  Aunt Polly is, in fact, so grumpy and so powerful that she has made an entire town miserable.  Pollyanna moves into town and by using scriptures and references to her missionary father who has since passed away, she uses her joy and it becomes infectious to all she sees.  She changes their lives simply by being joyful and letting her actions spring up out of that joy.

Pollyanna's life wasn't always sunshine and daisies.  She mentions often never having new clothes, never having a doll of her own, and never having adequate food - yet she was and continued to be glad.

In a conversation with the reverend in town, Pollyanna tells him that there are over 800 scriptures dealing with the subject of gladness.  He moves on to announce the following Sunday that he will preach weekly on each of these texts until he has hit them all.  Now I know that not every lesson should really be about gladness, but I sometimes wonder if we as American Christians should hear it more often.  Many times, it seems, that joyfulness is shown only during the good times - the times in our lives when things are easy.  That's not joy - that's being pacified.

True joy in Christ is not affected by our circumstances - our response to our circumstances is affected by our joy- if it's true joy - in Christ.  If we find our true joy in Christ alone, we will have that joy no matter what surrounds us - possibly even more in times of trial. As James says in James 1:2-3, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  "In the movie, Pollyanna plays "The Glad Game".  She finds something good in every situation.  Clearly, this annoys the downhearted - at first.  But joy is infectious!  If joy is seen in everything you do - just like Pollyanna - it will rub off on those around you.  

I don't know if it was the winter blues, selfishness or allowing my circumstances to control my joy meter, I have been much more of an Aunt Polly than a Pollyanna. And I intend to change this!

So, for the next week, I'm choosing to play the glad game...

I will be editing this post with a list of as many little things to be glad or joyful about...here goes...

Bailey made it all the way to school and back this morning in her carseat without crying!
Though my house may be messy, I have a sturdy roof over my head.
Aubrey poured the milk straight into her bowl of cereal this morning instead of pouring it in a glass only to then be poured into said bowl of cereal moments later.
Gabby loved her outfit she wore today.
Diet Coke tastes really good.
The sun is shining.
I'm not pregnant.  I love my children more than words can say, but I'm glad pregnancy is over for my lifetime!  :-)
I have a great husband who works so hard inside and outside the home.  He is an incredible family man.
The snow has completely melted in front of our house.
I hear a bird chirping.
Time spent alone is simply more time to spend with God.
We will get new bodies in heaven.
The huge coffee stain came out of the carpet this morning - and will hopefully also come out of Bailey's pajamas, my tank top, my pants and the diaper rag.
My Jesus loves me.  And I know it.
Crockpots were invented
No matter what happens in life, my parents will always stay by my side with wisdom and love.
I enjoyed the popcorn that provided the piece that is stuck in between my teeth.
Music makes me feel good.
We use disposable diapers now instead cloth ones like in the “old” days…
Diet Coke tastes good.
TobyMac…’nuff said
Bailey likes her bouncy seat
Tutu fabric came in the mail on time
The innocence of children
Aubrey had a great day at school
The girls play together so well
Clouds and rain make for good reading weather
Small Group with the high schoolers on Wednesdays
Waking up earlier means coffee earlier
Having three girls means that I am NEVER bored….ever
Having to sort through clothes for spring means that we are blessed to have enough clothing to use some for only certain seasons of the year – something many in the world could never fathom
Dirty dishes in the sink means that not only do we have enough food to eat, but more than enough dishes upon which to eat
Sunshine!!!!!!!!!
Open windows make spring cleaning much more enjoyable!
Grace from My God is not based on my performance- but solely on my belief in and surrender to Jesus as my Lord and Savior
Bailey is getting bigger - and interacting with the older girls more everyday and it's so fun to watch
Friday Night Jive is tonight!
Getting up early means quiet in the morning.
Rain brings flowers
It's only 3 weeks until we leave for vacation...
Things of this world that are no so great will simply make heaven seem all the more wonderful
The shape of my nose reminds me of my grandmother
The shape of my butt reminds me of my grandmother
We will have new bodies in heaven!!!
Feeling all alone teaches me to fully rely on God as my sufficiency.
Playing cards with the family is fun!
Vacation is less than three weeks away,
Spring brings new life...and new energy.

Jillian update....

I made it 4 straight days working out with Jillian - then life got CRAZY! And not just the "oh it's a little busy" kind of crazy. The kind of crazy where NOTHING happens past waking up, getting things done and going to bed. However, I have managed to squeeze in just a bit of Wii Fit (nothing compared to Jillian but at least it's moving) and pushing myself to just move more during the day. I'm not disappointed though - I have lost 3 lbs in the past week and a half and I feel more energetic. Starting back up on Monday with Jillian and going to strive for 3 days a week with her alternating with some basic Wii Fit strength training moves and that kind of thing as well as continuing to eat right...

Gotta have balance - 7 days a week of Jillian= too much for me. Three days I can handle and for me it's all about not getting frustrated with expecting too much of myself. So, there you go...a week and half, 4 workouts, 3 lbs lost. I'll take it for now...